Coronavirus, I first heard this word while on the elliptical at OneLife Fitness in January, which now seems like years ago. This virus was causing lockdown in Wuhan, China. I watched news stories, and thought WOW ok, this is absolutely why I just DO NOT watch the news. We went on our annual Disney Cruise at the beginning of February. When we got back I found out there were other cruise ships that had been unable to come back into a port because of this Coronavirus. OK, WOW, glad we were home safe and sound. The buzz on this Coronavirus grew as the virus entered the United States. And then it was in VA, and then right here in Alexandria. I began to wake up every morning in an anxious state (more anxious than my normal) and check the stats to see the exponential growth of cases from the previous day. Then on March 13 we found out school would be out until after Spring Break (April 14). DANG. OK, the way my mind works is...when something bad happens...I immediately focus on a solution before any sort of emotions set in. So I determined what our new daily schedule would be. Matias and I would be homeschooling Leo (2nd grade) and Chloe (1st grade). The first week went something like this...
After a few days this was just NOT working for me. I had until 12 to get a workout in and work. Then I would teach the kids and entertain basically until bedtime. I was exhausted. I needed some adult time. Leo was so anxious and did not want to leave my side. Only wanted me to be the teacher so was constantly up in my office. The whole situation just felt stressful. I redid the schedule. I would start with the kids by 10am and Matias would hope to be done by 6pm so we could have family time. This worked better logistically.
BUT it is like Groundhog Day...
between 5-5:30am - wake up, put on my bibs, and sneak up to my office
somewhere close to 6 - enter Peloworld - crush my legs biking/running and maybe do some Pelostrength
around 8 - shower, decide if I should put my jammies back on or some athleisure...will I be going outside? 🤔 (tough decisions I know), do some work
around 9 - start school
11 or so - break from school, back up to my office to work and snack in peace and quiet
1ish - more school
230 - school is over, maybe an arts & crafts project, try do focus on work, count the minutes until it is acceptable to have wine, anxiety and boredom start
4 latest - HOORAY we made it! break open the fridge! pour a glass!
5 - Zoom happy hour with Mommy & Sarah, I am feeling more relaxed by now
6 - dinner and family time
8 - in bed with the kids for sleepy time (I know I know...in bed by 8?! well there is usually a lot of giggling and tickling so asleep closer to 9)
But the whole situation is just hard. Honestly. I am not sleeping too great. I wake up every night around 2 and toss and turn the rest of the night. Teaching the kids is not as easy as I thought it would be. Leo and Chloe are only 15 months apart but their skill level is so different. Helping them both at the same time just does not work. The amount of patience needed here is insurmountable. There is a lot of crying. And poor sweet Leo. We actually had a telemedicine appointment with our pediatrician because of his level of anxiety. He has started doing this thing with his stomach where he shrugs and sucks his stomach in...at first I thought he had a tummy ache, and then looked it up and saw it could be a sign of a breathing issue. After our chat with the pedi I was reassured it was just a coping mechanism (kinda like me blinking my eyes). He does not want to go outside. He is tired. He is scared. I feel for him and try my darndest not to let my anxiety effect him and to keep him happy and occupied. I know if this had happened to me at his age I would have been an absolute basket case (honestly, I slept on my parents floor til I was maybe 12). And then every day between 1-4pm...that is when my real anxiety sets in. I am having a hard time focusing on work. I feel bored and lonely and scared and anxious. I leave the house 1/week to go for a run and I am just unsure about it...running with a buff in 60 degrees is a little suffocating. That or jump in a bush to avoid contact with others. 🤷 Matias does the grocery runs. I am just too scared to go anywhere. Having been on antidepressants since 2014...I don't cry as much as I should. I want to cry and let it out. I hate that Leo and Chloe are dealing with this. I am hoping to wake up and realize it was all a really weird nightmare...
But there is some silver lining in this whole situation. Aside from the fact that we got a freakin garage pool (more on that in another post)! I feel our family bond is becoming stronger. There is a lot of laughter. A lot of cuddling. A lot of tickling. I mean we all sleep in the same room. Thank goodness for Peloton. Not really swimming (sorry the garage pool has not cut it for me yet) has not been that terrible. Between 6-8 every am I immerse myself in Peloworld and just forget about the sadness. We went from running around daily with our heads cut off (fitting in full time jobs and workouts, PTA prez obligations, kids activities, etc). And now time has slowed down.