In support of the class of 2020, Facebook friends are sharing their senior pictures. So here is mine...and my story...
This picture hit a spot for many reasons. First, and foremost my heart goes out to those graduating from all levels. Those graduation events and celebrations won't happen. That is sad and so unfortunate. Those events not happening obviously don't diminish all of the hard work that went into getting there but there is something to be said about a celebration.
And second, I look at this face and think...where did this little girl go? I wish I could find her. Throughout high school comments about my weight and the typical girl growing into her body caused some issues. I did not think too much of it until the summer after my senior year in high school, when girls started to be more concerned about their figures. Just as with other things...when I put my mind to something it is pretty much a done deal. I started being more cautious about what I ate...cutting out most fats and sweets from my diet. By the end of the summer I had gone from about 135 pounds to 120 pounds. My mom told me how fabulous I looked. I felt great. I went to college feeling good about myself and how easy it was to just drop the weight. Well being on the swim team and with my perfectionist attitude of more is better it was easy to drop another 20 pounds. I ended up stopping swim team after my freshman year...it was just too much. I continued to control my weight with exercise and a restricted diet. I continued to be uncomfortable and avoid social situations involving eating. I had a lot of anxiety about going into a situation where I might have to eat something I did not want to. Throughout college I stayed around 100 pounds and looking back that is when I started dealing with a bit of depression and anxiety.
Since college, this has been something I struggle with constantly...sometimes is bad, sometimes not so bad. SO many things to try and fix this. Honestly, I have come to terms that this something will be with me til the end. It is now part of me. But that girl in the photo...I want to be her.